What If Everyone Talked Like Our Politicians?

From a Wall Street Journal column by Joe Queenan headlined “What If Everyone Talked Like Our Politicians?”:

Politicians are incapable of speaking about their opponents in sane, non-apocalyptic terms. “If elected,” we hear them declare, “my rival would defund the U.S. Navy, turn Marxists loose in our kindergartens, cause both Antarctica and the Amazon rainforest to disappear by noon tomorrow and turn the whole country over to tech billionaires who want to implant tracking chips in our brains.”

Imagine if everybody else spoke this way. Here’s how the CEO of a company renowned for its delicious cookies would react to the news that a competitor had just introduced a new tangerine flavor with a third layer of filling.