The Onion’s Election Guide: Arkansas was discovered in 1992 when Bill Clinton played saxophone on The Arsenio Hall Show.

From The Onion’s State-By-State Election Guide:

Alaska
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle
Conservation: State officials have repeatedly stressed the importance of conserving Alaska’s many species of survivalists, ice-road truckers, loggers, gold miners, fur trappers, and king crab fishermen for future television seasons.
Fun fact
If Alaska was placed on top of the contiguous United States, it would stretch from Florida to California and crush countless millions of Americans to death.

Arkansas
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle
Education: Many in Arkansas have called for more public education funding, as the Razorbacks were 2-10 last year.
Fun fact
The state was discovered in June 1992 when Bill Clinton played saxophone on The Arsenio Hall Show.

Idaho
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle
Wrong Shape: There’s no denying it—the shape of Idaho is wrong..
Fun fact
Sun Valley is a popular resort region whose stark remoteness inspired Ernest Hemingway’s most famous self-inflicted shotgun wound.

Illinois
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle
Political Gridlock: Several honest assemblymen are obstructing the normal corruption process.
Fun fact
The infamous St. Valentine’s Day Massacre of 1929 is remembered fondly in Illinois as a symbol of a bygone era when just seven people being gunned down in Chicago was considered an unprecedented tragedy.

Kansas
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle
Abortion: Legislators are considering comprehensive reforms to ensure pregnant teens have easy access to churches in their area.
Fun fact
Smith County is the geographical center of the continental United States temporarily, until the nation’s coastlines move further inland.

Massachusetts
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle
Environmental Protection: Activists are seeking to protect the fragile coastal ecosystem of Cape Cod, which contains one of the few remaining breeding grounds for the nation’s beleaguered Kennedy population.
Fun fact
The site of 1770’s Boston Massacre is the nation’s only memorial to an instance when the authorities gunned down an unarmed black man.

Mississippi
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle
Seceding From The Union: Pretty much always on the table.
Fun fact
Mississippi has the nation’s largest share of those who have almost saved enough money to get out of this town

Nevada
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle

Fracking: Protestors are hopeful that anti-fracking restrictions will allow Nevada to remain the pristine desert hellscape that God intended it to be.
Fun fact
Joining in 1864, Nevada was the first uninhabitable state admitted to the Union.

New Jersey
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle
Infrastructure: 34 percent of New Jersey’s bridges are no longer structurally sound enough for the state’s thousands of homeless people to sleep under.
Fun fact
Bridgeton was recently listed by U.S. News as one of the places to live in America

New Mexico
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle

Illegal Immigration: The scourge of illegal aliens pouring across the Mexican border is more horrifying than any statistical evidence to the contrary.
Fun fact
Before dropping atomic bombs on Japan, the U.S. Army tested the technology by bombing New Mexico, which promptly surrendered.

Oklahoma
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle
Climate Change: Residents are concerned that violent storms and tornadoes will become more prevalent due to the removal of the Ten Commandments monument from the statehouse.
Fun fact
Oklahoma City became the site of the country’s first parking meter in 1935, and shortly thereafter, the site of its first utterance of “Oh, give me a fucking break.”

Pennsylvania
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle
Fracking: After betting it all on steel for the entire 20th century, the state is looking ahead to the next industry it can put all its eggs into for several generations.
Fun fact
After a historic run that saw the signing of the Declaration of Independence, the introduction of the first daily newspaper, and the Battle of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania officially retired from history in 1881.

South Carolina
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle
Natural Disasters: The frequency of hurricanes and flooding in the state highlights the need to get some stuff worth protecting.
Fun fact
South Carolina was declared a UNESCO cultural heritage site in 1994 due to its diverse array of over 100 varieties of bigotry.

West Virginia
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle
Struggling Meth Industry: Cheaper, purer meth from Kentucky and Ohio continues to cost the state millions yearly.
Fun fact
West Virginia was formed after residents decided to separate from the Confederate-aligned state of Virginia during the Civil War, forever cementing the state’s reputation as a beacon of racial tolerance and progressive thought.

Wisconsin
Most critical issue facing this state this election cycle
Education: Lawmakers are arguing that lifetime jobs in the form of tenure are only for lawmakers.
Fun fact
Wisconsin is the country’s largest producer of indigestion.

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