Blunderachievers: Typo jokes:
4th place:
The bride’s friends were taken aback when she got a boob job immediately after the honeymoon. She explained: “We exchanged notes at the wedding about our wishes for each other. Mine said, ‘Always be kind.’ And his said, ‘Just do your bust and we’ll be happy forever.’ ” (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
3rd place:
“I’d like some new boots for my birthday,” my wife said. “Nice ones like Nicki got.” “Nicki’s are spectacular,” I agreed. “Do you know the name of her plastic surgeon?” “Boots! Boots!” (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)
2nd place
At the National Spelling Bee: Pronouncer: Your word is “Missouri.” Contestant: Use it in a sentence, please: P: Kansas City is located in Missouri. C: Missouri: K-A-N-S-A-S. Missouri. P: I’m sorry, that is incorr … Ahem, I’m being informed that we have now been instructed to consider that the preferred spelling. (Hildy Zampella, Alexandria, Va.)
And the winner of the Lose Cannon:
Police later determined that the stampede began when Cy’s cousin arrived with beer and announced to the party, “I’ve got the Coronas, Cyrus!” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Other winners:
Q. Why did the British millennial spend the night in the bathroom at work? A. His boss sent him an email asking him to “stay in the loo in case I need you on this new deal.” (Mark Raffman)
Sign in a hotel lobby: “The sofa cushions are currently being cleaned. We apologize for the incontinence.” (Jesse Frankovich)
Sheila was spending her first semester away from home when her parents received this text: “Doing everything to raise $1,000, sort of dropping all my classes to become a paid escort.” She waited 10 minutes, then followed up: “Sorry, that should read ‘short of,’ not ‘sort of’—and only need $100!” She got $500. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Diner looking at menu: “Whoever runs this restaurant must be nuts! Why would anyone want to eat a half-fried chicken?” (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
Correction: Last week’s bulletin meant to say that the church is looking for couples who SING. We regret the added “w” and thank the many who responded. (Ryan Martinez, Takoma Park, Md.)
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