Dave Barry’s Year in Review Makes Fun of TV and the Times But Goes Easy on Bezos and the Post

Dave Barry again looks at what made the year so stupid and funny.

Every December Miami Herald columnist Dave Barry takes a “Year in Review” look back at the year’s moments he can make fun of; the column also runs in the Washington Post Magazine. Last year Dave had fun with Jeff Bezos, the richest-man-in-the-world who owns Amazon.com and since 2013 the Washington Post.

June
Amazon, aka the Death Star of Retail, becomes even larger and more powerful when it announces plans to buy Whole Foods for $13.7 billion, or enough money to buy nearly four pounds of top sirloin at current Whole Foods prices.

July
In business news, Amazon purchases the state of Montana, which the retail giant plans to use, according to its press release, for “storage.”

August
In a welcome diversion toward the end of this tumultuous month, Americans are treated to a rare celestial display as the sun is totally eclipsed by a 2,000-mile-wide Amazon logo.

December
In business news, Amazon purchases the Pacific Ocean but pledges that it will remain open to the public “for the time being.”
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This year’s look back is Bezos-free except for a November graf about Amazon locating one of its two new headquarters in Crystal City, just across the Potomac from Washington, D.C.

November
In business news, Amazon, after a much-publicized nationwide search, announces that it will locate new headquarters in Arlington, Va., and New York City, in return for tax breaks, infrastructure improvements, four seats in the U.S. House of Representatives and replacement of the Statue of Liberty with a 340-foot-tall statue of Jeffrey Bezos naked.

Barry did have some fun this year with press coverage of President Trump.

August
In a coordinated nationwide response to Trump’s repeated attacks on the press, sternly worded editorials rebuking the president are published in more than 300 newspapers, with a combined editorial-page readership estimated at nearly 14 people. For his part, CNN’s Jim Acosta courageously confronts White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders over this issue, despite the very real risk that he will have to feature himself prominently in his report on this harrowing incident.

September
In other political news, the New York Times publishes an anonymous op-ed column allegedly written by a “senior administration official” who is harshly critical of President Trump. Despite intense pressure, the Times refuses to reveal the author’s identity, although linguistics experts see a possible clue in the fact that the column twice refers to Trump as “my husband.

October
The New York Times, in a major investigative story, asserts that Donald Trump amassed much of his fortune through “dubious tax schemes,” including a $723 million deduction in 1993 for what was described in Trump’s federal tax return as “croissants.” Trump denounces the Times story as FAKE NEWS, asserting that the deduction “was actually for a range of pastries.” Fox News confirms this.
November
Meanwhile the ongoing saga that is The Jim Acosta Story, Starring Jim Acosta As Jim Acosta, takes a thrilling turn when Jim gets into a dramatic struggle with a White House intern over a microphone. The Trump administration, always looking for ways to make a stupid situation even stupider, suspends Jim’s press pass and releases a video that somebody apparently doctored to make it appear more violent by splicing in the shower scene from “Psycho.”
December
Fueling this confidence are reliable rumors swirling around Washington that special counsel Robert Mueller is about to do some major thing that, while not specified in the rumors, will definitely mean the downfall of Trump and THIS TIME IT IS REALLY HAPPENING, PEOPLE. In anticipation of this event, CNN unveils a special panelist desk that is the length of a regulation basketball court, providing the capability to have an unprecedented 170 panelists sitting side-by-side expressing outrage simultaneously, and bringing CNN one step closer to the day when it has more panelists than actual viewers.

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